What the Hell is a Streetcar?

It’s probably not a great idea for me to admit this, but I know next to nothing about this whole Downtown streetcar business.  Here’s what I get: it’s going to add some extra public transit to Downtown Cincinnati, and it will likely also add some of that neo-nostalgia and temporary draw that the city has been looking for.  The reason to want a streetcar, I fully understand. Not having followed the back-and-forth, I’m struggling to find an explanation or argument one way or another that doesn’t include the phrases “economic feasibility,” “millions of dollars,” or “promotes growth and development.”
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Bring On the Chili Stories!

Summer’s about to be all up in our asses, which means it’s time for our local news sources to trot out the bi-yearly tired old how-to Cincinnati chili stories.  I’m pretty sure that these fluff pieces have to be for people who have moved here over the past couple years and really haven’t gotten a good explanation of what the whole chili thing means just yet.
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Remember That “Bravo,” Enquirer?

I changed my mind.  Right after the Cincinnati Enquirer published what we posited to be a great investigative piece, they turn around and publish this. 

On what planet is one woman’s weight loss news, regardless of where she ends up because of it?  Neither is this how a newspaper should be motivating its readers to become more health-and-exercise conscious.  Only two words here: Silly reporting. 

That is all.

Things That Are Manly: Being a Soldier

We failed to mention this yesterday (stupid holiday celebrations), but being a soldier is just about the manliest thing that there is.  It takes giant balls to step in front of the entire population of this country, take up arms, and get yourself shipped off to protect our ideals.  You guys kick ass, and we all appreciate it.  So, you’re manlier than a Miller High Life with a beard.  Cheers.

Bravo, Enquirer. Bravo.

The old Enquirer building, Downtown Cincinnati

Q: What animal has a dickhead halfway up its back?

We haven’t explained TCM‘s general position on the Cincinnati Enquirer yet.  This means that it’s probably time to delve into that a little bit.

It is this blog’s opinion that the the Cincinnati Enquirer is a dying newspaper.  This is evidenced through the well-publicized newsroom cuts it’s had to make over the last few years, the multiple size reductions that it’s had to make, and the overwhelming reduction in quality that we’ve seen since these stories were printed.

Couple all this with a poorly built and difficult-to-navigate website, and the apparent fact that upper management doesn’t clearly understand new/social media, and you get the Enquirer.

All this said, the loss of the last paper we have left is something that would be terrible.  Never you mind the fact that they haven’t given us all that much to cheer about, get excit:ed about, or even appreciate over the past few years–a city without a newspaper is pretty much akin to a man marooned on a dangerous island.  If we don’t know what happens in our community, we don’t know our community.  A newspaper, good or bad, gauges a city’s reputation, keeps it in check, and maintains it through the stories it publishes.  This is something that the Enquirer has lost sight of, I feel, over the last few years.  Until this article was published.

A: A policehorse.

If you haven’t read it, or didn’t feel like clickin’, here’s the deal: the Enquirer broke off a fucking brilliant piece of investigative reporting wherein they expose a little bit of petty corruption in the Cincinnati Police Department.  It’s a complicated situation, but here’s a quick rundown, as I understand it:

• Mounted police officer dresses his horse up in Steelers garb.
• “Concerned citizen” writes letter to Tom Streicher essentially saying that such is bullshit.
• Streicher agrees.
• This lights a controversy wherein the original officer and his superiors are in a he said/she said war of words–the officer says that his superior told him to dress the horse in Steelers garb and/or approved it, and the superior says she didn’t, even in the face of damning evidence that she did.

In the end, nobody wins here.  Except for the Enquirer, who managed to break off a good, solid piece of reporting.  Now, I understand that our city’s only newspaper doesn’t necessarily deserve applause, that they’re only doing exactly what they should be doing.  That’s not my point here–I’m only trying to encourage more reporting like this.

I know that our readership isn’t anywhere close to the Cincinnati Enquirer’s, and that we don’t have a reputation, much less a good one.  But it’s my opinion that the only thing that will save the Enquirer at this point isn’t more advertising, or a size change, or moving its printing operations out of town.  It’s good reporting like this, which points out a serious problem in our community–that’s what people want to read.  We don’t give a shit about your reporters’ Twitter-branding, or your poorly informed efforts to “evolve.”  Just keep publishing hard-hitting journalism, and we’ll keep appreciating it.  We promise.

In Which Craig Bores The Pants Off Of The Ladies

This is apparently an open letter to whatever woman will read it.  It’s also pretty much a primer on how not to write a personals advertisement.  Allow me:

This is a long post I know, but I’m just trying to be clear. So its gonna take some time, so, get yourself a drink, kick back, relax, get comfy, it’ll be over sooner than you think.

Somehow I doubt this.

Its not as long as it looks.

I do not doubt this.

This post is worth reading (even if only for its entertainment value).

Yeah, not so much.  Then again, here I am making fun of you, so there’s got to be something to it.

I am truly a good, genuine, honest, loyal, nice guy (feel free to ask people that know me, whether they like me or not) and have plenty going on for myself.

You certainly have the time to write a Tolstoy-length personal ad, if that’s what you’re referring to.

I have my own home, some real estate, several cars, a couple motorcycles and a boat (some people don’t even know I have one, but that’s okay by me). I’m thinking of getting some jet skis. I also have a place to play with my water toys now, by a lake, kinda close. I work hard and like to do fun stuff to enjoy myself.

I have no words.

I’ve got all kinds of events and stuff to do and go to about 2-3 times a month, and would like someone to show up with besides the usual friends and stuff. If we go out, you will have a good time and I’ll take care of anything/everything you need.

Translation: “Seeking arm candy.  Preferred color: orange.  D cups a plus.  In return for not talking to others, you get a house salad and iced tea, and the impression that I might one day like you.”

If you have written a couple times and not gotten a response from me, its probably not me (but its possible that it probably is me), it may be because you haven’t READ THE WHOLE POST, and/or you are not sending all the information as I have nicely asked (but it could be me).

What?  This excerpt breaks my brain every time I read it.

Oh, and a 200 word MINIMUM essay is required for a reply (hahahaha, just kidding, come on now, that was funny).

No, no it wasn’t.

I know the girl I’m looking for is out there, I know it. Its just a matter of where. Talk to you soon.

So, now you’re desperate?  Never would have guessed.  Ladies and gentlemen, please meet the Biggest Asshole in All the Land.  You may now applaud.