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I’m not even sure what to say about this card. The UFC has been hyping their 100th event like there’s no tomorrow, and while there are certainly a few worthwhile fights on the card, it just doesn’t seem to be holding up to the hype. The main fight for the undisputed Heavyweight title is a rematch (and a likely controversial one no matter the outcome), and although the hype machine is pumping the Welterweight title fight like Bob Dole with a Swedish hand pump, I’m not convinced it’s going to be all that.
Let’s break it down:
Yoshihiro Akiyama (12-1) vs Alan Belcher (13-4) Honestly, only hardcore MMA fans care about this fight. I say names like Kang, Sakuraba and Misaki and to the average UFC fan, I get a blank stare. Akiyama beat those guys, and they’re good. He has real skills, especially in Judo, and a convincing win will prove that he has a future in the UFC. Belcher is similarly a talented fighter, but arguably the better striker of the two. This will either be a great fight, with both guys trying to prove they deserve to be in the big show, or an overly defensive snore fest. It’s a hard one to judge.
Prediction: Akiyama by Decision
Dan Henderson (24-7) vs Michael Bisping (18-1) I hate Michael Bisping. He’s a snobby Brit with a big mouth. If you watched any of TUF9, you got to see how disrespectful and immature he is in living color. He’s not a bad fighter, but he is hardly the equal of Hendo. Look at their records. Hendo has beaten Franklin, Babalu, Shogun, Nakamura, Bustamante, Nog, Silva, Belfort. Bisping has beaten… Leben? Some guy named Charles McCarthy? I think he fought his mailman and two guys at a bar, once. There is no contest. Henderson’s wrestling will control where the fight takes place. Bisping doesn’t have enough power to knock Henderson out, and if he gets in trouble on the feet Bisping will be on his back eating leather. It’s time to Hendo to shut Bisping’s stupid mouth.
Prediction: Henderson by TKO, Round 2
Jon Fitch (22-3) vs Paulo Thiago (11-0) Jon Fitch is one of the absolute best 170lb fighters on Earth, but a question looms over him: Does he remember how to finish a fight? His last 3 fights have gone the distance, including a unanimous decision loss to GSP. He’s an extremely well rounded fighter, which can lead to overconfidence and not sticking to a gameplan. In this fight, that’s a seriously bad idea. I can say only three things about Paulo Thiago. He’s undefeated, has a unibrow that can eat babies, and he knocked out Josh Koscheck (for which I will forever be grateful). That being said, he’s a pretty one-dimensional jiu jitsu fighter. If Fitch can judge where he’s getting the better of Thiago (and I’m willing to bet that’s in the standup game) and not be tempted into a grappling match, this could be an exciting fight. I don’t think Thiago is strong enough or skilled enough to submit Fitch; he’s simply too crafty and smart. If Fitch fights with his brain and not his ego, he’ll win the fight.
Prediction: Fitch by TKO, Round 3
Georges St. Pierre (18-2) vs Thiago Alves (22-4) – Welterweight (170lb) Title Fight GSP is one of the most well rounded fighters ever to compete in MMA, and his battles in the Octagon are more against himself than his opponent. If you want to see GSP letting himself down, go watch the Serra fight. If you want to see the real GSP, go watch his destruction of B.J. Penn, who himself is in incredible shape these days (horseshit greasing allegations notwithstanding). Alves is a scary fighter, but he’s really nothing but a striker with enough jiu jitsu to defend himself. GSP is about to put another notch in his belt.
Prediction: St. Pierre by Submission, Round 1
Brock Lesnar will fake fuck you up with this pen.
Brock Lesnar (3-1) Vs. Frank Mir (12-3) – Heavyweight (265lb) Title Fight Brock Lesnar is a fake. He has fists the size of hams and the technique of a 9 year old girl. This means he has a puncher’s chance, or he can lay and pray like every other skilless wrestler in MMA. Frank Mir TKO’d Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. If you don’t think he can do the same to an untested chin like Lesnar’s, you’re simply a fanboy. This guy isn’t the same Mir who had a few embarrassing fights after his motorcycle accident in 2004. While he’s not nearly as big as Lesnar, their technical skill levels aren’t even in the same universe. I really, really hope Mir simply knocks him out with a huge hook or knee when Lesnar is stupidly bull rushing in like wrestlers are wont to do, but it’s more likely that Mir will submit him. Mir should look to weather Lesnar’s initial bull rush, stuff the takedown and work the standup skills he demonstrated against Nogueira. If it goes out of the first round, we’re going the distance. I think the first half of each round will see Mir punishing Lesnar on the feet, then Lesnar attempting to ground-and-pound, with a few submission attempts thwarted by sweat. Wash, rinse, and repeat, and finally going to the Judge’s scorecard.
Prediction: Mir by Decision
The Undercard
Stephan Bonnar vs Mark Coleman could be an interesting fight, if only to see if Bonnar is able to compete without horse steroids and whether or not the 44-year-old Coleman comes to the Octagon with a walker. Mac Danzig vs Jim Miller could also be an entertaining fight, because Millar is a legitimate threat at 155lbs and Danzig is a Vegan, and who doesn’t like watching a vegan get punched in the face?
Hey, WWE Fans, Read This
Hillbilly Jim is Brock Lesnar's father.
If you’re one of those fucking idiots who has watched more than 3 minutes of entertainment wrestling in the past 15 years and not wanted to gouge your own eyes out with a fork, do a few things for me. First, go fuck yourself. Second, close your browser and go read something else, because I fucking despise you and your trailer park family.
Brock Lesnar never deserved a shot at the UFC Heavyweight Title. He was 2-1 in MMA when he was given his title shot, having beaten only journeyman Heath Herring and some Korean jobber. His match against Randy Couture was a complete farce, and although I have all of the respect in the world for Couture, he’s only a heavyweight when he feels too lazy to cut to 205 like he should. Lesnar’s wins mean basically nothing, and his promotion is only a money grab by the UFC. But hey, the UFC is a business and I can respect the decision to rake in the cash. That doesn’t mean I respect Lesnar, or any of you jackasses who think he’s a legitimate champion.
In fact, I hate him and I hate you all. If that makes me an MMA elitist, make me a fucking badge and I’ll wear it.
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