The 45 Greatest Scary Movies Of All Time: Part 2 (30-16)

Join me as we venture deeper into the darkness and unveil the second installment of  horrible goodness.  You can find the first installment right here.

30: Blood Feast: Directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis in 1963, this film is generally known to be the very first of the “Splatter/Slasher”) films.  It’s the story of an Egyptian caterer who murders and eats his victims while saving the leftovers as a sacrifice to his gods.  The picture caught major flak for it’s graphic images of blood and violence.  It is also the very first film to feature a death with open eyelids.

29: The Pit And The Pendulum: Loosely based on short story by Edgar Allen Poe and featuring one of the classic horror gods, Vincent Price. The movie’s classic “pit” scenes are considered to be some of the most impressive in post-1960 horror films.

28: Frankenstein: Released in 1931, Boris Karloff stole the show as the original, and most terrifying versions of the Frankenstein Monster.  Karloff’s makeup was hidden from the cast and crew until the very last moment and  some were so horrified that they refused to finish work on the picture.

27: VideoDrone: A classic among the sci-fi/horror film style that director David Cronenberg pretty much invented.  An executive from a sleazy TV station is looking for something to save the station and his job. He  Finds a strange Malaysian game show that features the torture and murder of its’ contestants.  The show eventually gives viewers a brain tumor and and can even turn them into a fleshy VCR thing that is just plain gross.  The moral of the story, as of 1983, is that MTV kicks ass, but twenty years from now it will stop showing videos and completely suck .  So put down the remote.

26: Dawn Of The Dead: The 2004 remake of the George A. Romero classic changed the way that zombie flicks were made as well as viewed .  The thought of someone coming back from the dead and being a mindless, clumsy, flesh-eating oaf is one thing.  Add half a brain and the ability for the zombies to run really fast without tripping over something and you have a milestone in horror history.

25: Silence Of The Lambs: Anthony Hopkins became an undisputed movie icon as a result of his role as Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter.  However , the films actual main villain, ” Buffalo Bill,” was way more horrifying.  Actor Ted Levine, who plays Bill, stole the show portraying the killer who is actually based on a who’s who of real-life serial killers.  The film certainly is a classic, but loses major points for the overkill known as the “Hannibal Franchise”.

24: Near Dark: Part of the 1987 “Vampire Revival”.  Near Dark certainly took the cake.  The film lacked at the theater but earned a huge cult following in later years.  Adding a new perspective to the Vampire genre with a gritty, western based atmosphere instead of the cape and castle type.  Actor Bill Paxton stole every scene he was in as the outlandish fanged outlaw Severen.

23: 28 Days Later: Based in a post-apocalyptic Great Britain trying to rebuild and find out what the hell happened to them.  The main scare factor from the film is certainly when the survivors realize that they are not alone, and come face to face with the zombie-like monsters infected with the “rage” virus.

22: Phantom Of The Opera: Before Frankenstein, there was the Phantom Of The Opera.  In 1925, films were still silent but just because you can’t hear it doesn’t mean it won’t scare the shit out of you.  Actor Lon Chaney Sr., who played the Phantom, was a pioneer in the makeup industry with his self-made facial applications.  He even used piano wire for his facial features in this one.

21: The Thing: This John Carpenter remake of  the original The Thing From Another World featured amazing special effects.  An alien comes to Earth and finds that while in Antarctica , the warmest place to hide is inside man.  Now the film has a cult following.  Unfortunately, it was released the same week as a much more cuddly extraterrestrial known as E.T. and flopped at the theaters.

20: Rosemary’s Baby: Directed by acclaimed director/pedophile Roman Polanski.  Mia Farrow has a dream that she is raped and is actually impregnated by a demonic presence.  Caught up in a ring of Devil worshipping neighors she is eventually brainwashed and and is in the final scene rocking her baby demon.  A classic for sure, but lower on the list for the less than stellar acting of Mia Farrow, and the story is just plain silly.

19: Hellraiser: Written and directed by horror legend Clive Barker.  This 1987 classic ventures into the realm of gaining pleasure through pain.  Extremely graphic and intense the film went on to spawn 7 sequels.  The moral of this one could very well  be if  a  guy with a bunch of nails in his face gives you a weird looking antique Rubik’s Cube, don’t play with it.

18: American Werewolf In London: For whatever reason, John Landis, a well known director of  comedies a la Animal House and The Blues Brothers decided to try his hand at horror. The movie starred actor David Naughton who is probably more well known for his role in the “I’m a Pepper”,  Dr. Pepper commercial.  The film gained rave reviews for its fabulous werewolf transformation scene thanks to makeup/special effects artist Rick Baker.

17: Carrie: Yet another spot on the list occupied by Stephen King.  This 1976 Brian De Palma film told the tale of a high school girl who happened to have telekinetic powers.  Carrie is  tortured by her mother and humiliated constantly by her teachers and peers.  After being duped into winning prom queen and doused in pig blood Carrie finally has enough and ends up set the school ablaze with her mind.  Certainly made me think twice before picking on anyone.

16: Shaun Of The Dead: Certainly not the scariest film on the list but by far one of  my favorites.  Brillantly written with a mix of zombie mayhem, hilarity, and some intense drama, it’s hands down one of the best films of 2004. Struggling for his place in the world, Shaun finds himself and his cohort Ed smack dab in a zombie invasion and end up making their stronghold of all places, their trusty pub. A great movie all around and a definite must-see.

Next week: the final 15.

Man Stuff Roundtable: What’s the Manliest Invention Ever?

Each week, The Cincinnati Man asks its writers to chime in on a particular topic and its manliness.  This week, they answer the question:

“What’s the manliest invention ever?”

JasonB

It’s hard to talk about inventions that changed the course of history without almost explicitly ignoring the butterfly effect. With those blinders firmly in place, I’m going to say the breech-loading “Dreyse needle gun” invented in 1836. It’s the first example of a truly modern firearm, and what’s more manly than the efficient killing of other men via war? The needle gun allowed the Prussian Army to dominate much of central Europe in the 19th Century, which directly resulted in the formation of a unified German state, and we all know how that worked out.

Megan Ayers

Manliest Invention, aka, The Invention That’s Most Benefitted Men: the condom.

Although the staunch feminst out there might disagree, citing the freedom of vaginas everywhere to plunder without fear and make love instead of babies, we all know that a woman’s sexual freedom has never counted. It’s all about men being able to put it anywhere he wants without have to own up to the responsibility of what happens when you put it anywhere you want. That and having it not burn when you pee.

Adam Hipp

The condom is indeed a very manly invention, and it is probably tied with another invention in the same vein: The birth control pill. The condom does give you the freedom to stick it wherever you want, and there are certainly times when it is the best option. But what about those times where only the baby-making is a concern, since you somehow managed to find someone you know is clean? You’re lucky enough that you’d want to take it a step further, but with only the condom, you’re SOL. With the pill, men can have the full enjoyment of “making love instead of babies.”

Wes Crout

Nothing already listed matters, even in the slightest, without our ability to move stuff around. The manliest invention ever, then, is of course the wheel. Why is there an adage about not needing to reinvent such an item? Because it is the most foundationally pervasive item allowing our modern society to function. We’ve covered most of the globe since the wheel came to be, and probably shipped back some useful resources we found upon arrival. We’ve learned to transport items quickly and efficiently because of its simplicity. Most likely anything you have in your possession was delivered – not necessarily directly to you, but at least to your vicinity – using a wheel. Hell, last time you bought condoms, chances are good that you drove your car to get them. Me? I rode my bike, and I’ll likely ride my bike next time I go to use them. The wheel makes that possible.

Jason McGlone

In a vacuum, without taking into account the aforementioned and clearly exhibited butterfly effect, I’m going with beer.  And with that choice, I heard about 95% of those reading this roundtable exhale in relief.  The other 5% are still pissed off that it didn’t get mentioned sooner.  To beer!

UC’s Old Chem Building Can’t Handle the Excitement of Being Ranked #5 in the BCS

Yes, there are metal rods holding the wall in place

OK, so the title isn’t entirely accurate- the north wall of Old Chem has been  in bad shape for a while now. I walked by the building a few weeks ago and noticed the metal rods, wondering what the hell was going on. Then I looked closer, and some of the brick is bowing out.

Don’t worry, a good portion of the building is still in use. I’m glad I don’t have any classes in there though.

(front pg thumbnail: http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/ / CC BY 2.0)

A Quick Note About the Dayton Teacher Sex Case

Why hasn’t anyone noticed that Nicole Howell, the recently-acquitted-of-inappropriate-contact teacher looks a bit like Skeletor?

Exhibit A (link to Enquirer photo gallery)

…aaaaaand:

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Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/matheus_sanchez/ / CC BY 2.0

Front pg. thumb: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jakecaptive/ / CC BY 2.0

I Wish I Had A Bigger Tool, But You May Still Use It If You Like… [On The Men's Multi-Tool]

Throughout my childhood, Swiss Army Knives were the target of many boys’ desires.

Quite the stocking-stuffer.

Why?

Probably because you felt like you could do damn near anything with them. In truth, the lucky ones with Swiss Army Knives – and the unlucky ones with generic knock-offs – had no concept of the breadth of applications for which these portable tools were meant. This is likely due to the fact that little boys rarely fix anything of their own, and so the Swiss Army Knife – with its myriad of practical gadgets – was more an attempt at growing up, of having something Dad would have.

As we got older the thought of having an amazing, do-it-all tool was still pervasive and desirable. Adulthood, however, often results in an awareness of our limitations. As men, we are often obsessed with seemingly mutually exclusive things. We like speed and strength, but often we find the larger and stronger the item the slower it moves. We add price to the mix and we can generally only choose two out of three.

You can have something strong and light, but it will be expensive. You can have something strong and cheap, but it will be heavy and cumbersome. With a multi-tool this isn’t much different. As you increase functions you decrease sveltness.

It just looks mean, but also useful.

These days they choose stupid names just like cell phones, and this less than thrills me. Again, back in “the day” it was a Swiss Army Knife, separated only by denoting its size. Big, tiny and holy shit. Today we have douchey names like the Skeletool, the Crunch, the Fuse and the Core. Even the Freestyle and Juice. What the fuck does juice have to do with clamping down or screwing something in?

Well, actually, that makes a little sense. The rest, though? Be done with that shit.

These names are all tool versions from the notable Leatherman brand, which is the benchmark for multi-tools today, and the variety of applicable functions included trumps the red, dull knives easily. The name is the brand standard used to describe even the generics. Think Kleenex, Band-Aid, Coke. Subtract a toothpick, add a holster. More than an even trade.

I’ve no Leatherman, sadly, and though my tool is no touchstone by which to compare other mens’ equipment, it certainly works just fine for me. So let me know if you want to use it sometime.

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Front pg. thumb:

Other photos from: http://aroundthesphere.files.wordpress.com & http://www.acquiremag.com

Can You Call it an “Elite” Eight? Biggest Asshole in Cincinnati

There were definitely some surprises in the 2nd round, and it looks like almost we’re almost full of politicians here.  Only a couple rounds left, and then we’re getting into the heavies.

A quick review: you can vote once every 10 minutes in each of the 4 polls.  These polls will remain open until Sunday, October 25 at noon.  Vote early and often, and tell as many people as you can by clicking the “Share This” button at the bottom of the post.

On to the polls!

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