It’s that time of year–the time where the Autumn leaves smother yards and jack-o’-lanterns take their place upon porches. The one night a year where it’s legal for the kiddies to solicit the neighbors for food. The time of year for costumes and overpriced pumpkin-flavored beer. It’s Halloween, and what better way to take in the season than by hiding your eyes under the covers as you try to watch some of the 45 greatest horror movies of all time?
Note: I am not a professional movie critic. I just fully appreciate Halloween and all that entails. Although your opinion is what makes the world goes around, I’m just a simple fan of the horror genre. Besides, Time Magazine listed Bambi as one of their scariest movies so cut me some slack , would ya?
45: Deliverance: Released in 1972, and based on the James Dickey novel of the same name. Deliverance was one of the first films to feature an all male rape scene. As awful as the scene was to watch, and the sound of that hillbilly squealing like a pig as he violates the unsuspecting “city folk,” someone found the film to be quite significant. It was selected for the US National Film Registry in 2008. Bottom line, hillbillies are fucking weird.
44:A Clockwork Orange: I loathe this film but, I felt it deserved a place in the countdown due to it’s historical significance. Directed by Stanley Kubrick, and released in 1971, it has remained an underground, cult hit since. Horrific scenes of gang violence and rape riddle the film along with the weirdest-looking Beethoven-listening English guy I’ve ever seen make it pretty damn scary.
43:The Blair Witch Project: Capitalizing on the growing interest in the Internet in 1999, this film had a great marketing scheme in setting up a web site explaining how three students went on a hiking trip deep in the Black Hills to find the elusive Blair Witch. The students ended up missing, and all that was found was the horrifying images that they filmed with their hand-held camera, the footage resulted in the film itself which was originally passed off as a true story. Other than its promotional value, the scariest thing about this movie was that girl’s awful voice.
42: Psycho: Directed bysuspense legend Alfred Hitchcock and released in 1960. Psycho and the all-too-famous shower scene took the world by storm even after facing lame reviews. It’s on the list for it’s value but low on the list for generally just being boring.
41: The Amityville Horror: Based on a true story, I can see how this film could have been taken as horrifying. Years after The Amityville Horror and its 200 sequels and the 1 remake that followed, not to mention multiple books and articles on how the real-life family was full of shit, it lost a lot of luster.
40: Dead Alive: Back in 1992, the last thing on Peter Jackson’s mind were Hobbits and over-sized apes. He started off directing straight-up B-movie gorefests that were so awful they were absolutely hilarious. Bad acting, bad special effects, and above all, bad taste. What more does a man need?
39: The Hills Have Eyes: One of Wes Craven’s earlier films about a family who ends up stranded in the vast deserts of California. They end up being hunted by a family of deformed cannibals. The main chill factor in the film has got to be the character Pluto, played by actor Michael Berryman, who was born with ectodermal dysplasia, which results in a unique physical deformities perfect for playing a radioactive cannibal wild-ass.
38: The Hitcher: Personally, as a kid in 1986, this movie scared the hell out of me. You always heard of urban legends regarding the picking up of hitchhikers and C. Thomas Howell certainly learned his lesson. Now as an adult it still frightens me for the simple fact the Rutger Hauer just got weirder looking the older he got.
37: Misery: As a writer, watching this film gets to me. Not because of the horrific trauma he suffers from his so called “biggest fan”. I simply felt jealous for him even having a fan. So piss on you James Caan and your broke ass ankles.
36:Saw: Originally rated NC-17. This 2004 horror sensation featured the serial killer Jigsaw, who took a much more calculated approach to killing than the run-of-the-mill machete-wielding meatheads. The suspense in this film was both breathtaking and complicated. Saw definitely deserves it spot in Horror history.
35:Scream: Directer Wes Craven came out of nowhere in 1996 with the rebirth of the “slasher” flick. Spawning two sequels and truckloads of copycat, teenie-bopper, crap fests. No two hours of any of these films even came close to the first fifteen minutes of the original.
34: House Of 1000 Corpses: Rob Zombie is a true fan of Horror and, his debut film definitely proved it. Although it was slated as a true fast-paced gore fest it was overshadowed by Zombie’s own off color comedy. The film’s true highlight is the genius of actor Sid Haig and his portrayal of the smooth talking, gun toting, chicken peddling, Captain Spaulding.
33:Signs: M. Night Shyamalan is, to put it simply, overrated and, to an extent, just plain silly. With the same monotonous “twist” in every film the shock has faded, however, being a Sci-Fi geek as well as a Horror fan I couldn’t pass this one up. Shyamalan’s methodical approach to introducing the aliens in this film wore on every nerve in my body. Just check out the birthday party scene. Gives me chills just thinking about it.
32:Salem’s Lot: Originally a mini-series. This Stephen King short story finally made it to the big screen in 1979. Directed by the Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s Tobe Hooper, and featuring a slew of nods to earlier vampire films such as Nosferatu. The movie was a definite improvement over the failed television series and to this day remains one of the most memorable and creepy films of the genre.
31:The Last House On The Left: In 1972, Wes Craven once again wanted to change the face of Horror films. He originally wanted the film to have more of a sexually hardcore edge as well as pushing the limits of gore. For the times however, the movie ended up being a bit much for the film industry and the rating system, and some major edits were enforced. Even with the deleted footage the film was still breaking all boundaries and was even banned from being sold in the United Kindom for over 30 years.
Each week, TCM asks its writers to chime in on a particular subject of manliness. This week: what’s the manliest food or meal?
Mike Hickerson
Chicken wings. 1) They are fried. 2) They are associated with sporting events. 3) They can be ordered in various degrees of spiciness, providing an opportunity to demonstrate your manliness by eating food that hurts. 4) They bear a passing resemblance to turkey legs, which were the manliest food of the Renaissance. (Note: Turkey legs have lost their manliness because they are now primarily sold in children’s theme parks.)
Dantheman
There is a common understanding that putting your life at risk for others is a manly thing to do. How about putting your life at risk just to have lunch? While chicken wings and rare steak could possibly give you some bad heartburn or worms, this cute little fish CAN FREAKING KILL YOU. The puffer fish is the seafood equivalent of Go Go Yubari from Kill Bill: cute, innocent, and deadly. To eat this potentially deadly fish is an exercise in manliness that I won’t partake in until I’m ready for a meal that could possibly be my last.
JasonB
One the first fundamentally human acts of prehistory was to take what we had killed and cook it over a fire. The modern version is the manliest meal I can imagine: take a dry-aged steak, seasoned only with salt and pepper, grilled over an open flame. It’s simple, delicious, and deceptively difficult to master. The steak speaks to a man because it’s primal and bloody and delicious.
Geoff
Pulled pork. Take a pork shoulder, a tough piece of meat that would otherwise be inedible. Smoke it for 10 or 12 hours while you drink beer or whiskey. Season it along the way. Take it off once it’s pink and falling off the bone. Give it a bit of spicy barbecue sauce and dig in. It’s humanity’s triumph over swine. We torture a rough slab of pig into sweet, tasty submission. Brutal, ain’t it?
Adam Hipp
Let’s go for the not-so-obvious answer: salad. Why is it manly to eat a salad? Because they suck and no one actually likes them. Sure, a manly meal conjures up images of eating delicious meats and drinking beer, because so many men do it. They do it because it kicks ass. But the smart man will think about how he wants to be lean and mean for as far into his life and he possibly can, and the best way to do that is to drop the delicious traditional “manly” meals and eat a salad.
That being said, I am not manly enough to stick to a salad-rich diet (is anyone, really?). I will be tailgating and eating all the delicious things listed above this weekend, except possibly puffer fish.
Jason McGlone
It’ might not count as a food, or even eating, but I’m going with glass. Because really, how could you not? Chomp!
Every now and again, The Cincinnati Man takes a look back at a particular day in history and runs down the manly events that happened. Today is October 13.
In the year 54, Nero took the Roman throne. He kind of looks like the dude from the Spin Doctors. </shudder>
Bill Mazeroski becomes the first man to end a World Series with a home run. He manages to do so in a 7th game.
Sammy Hagar is born in 1912. Despite his advanced age, I think you know what dude can’t do:
Ed Sullivan dies in1974. If you haven’t followed his life, he was a pretty interesting dude.\
Perhaps the most important event that happened today is that it’s Lenny Bruce’s birthday. Every single good comedian ever owes it all to Lenny Bruce. You’ve heard the term “Breaking down doors” before, but Bruce is the clearest example of someone laying out a challenge to society as a whole in the face of clear and present danger. It takes a brilliant, and possibly insane, person to do that most of the time.
You saw the matchups, you voted accordingly. I think everything so far has gone as expected. We’re on to round two now, and you can find all the matchups below. Is your favorite still on the list? Did we miss anyone? It’s possible that we’ll do this tournament again in the future, if the interest is there.
On to some details: you can vote once every 20 minutes in these polls, so if you feel particularly strongly about any one nominee, feel free to vote more than once. The winner at the end of the tournament will get a prize. Maybe.
To the matches!
Chris Finney vs. Simon Leis
Chris Finney (23 Votes)
Simon Leis (18 Votes)
Total Voters: 41
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Bill Cunningham vs. Jeff Ruby
Bill Cunningham (24 Votes)
Jeff Ruby (11 Votes)
Total Voters: 35
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Cadillac Ranch Management vs. Christopher Smitherman
The men’s hat is a largely foregone accessory in the modern man’s wardrobe. Anything beyond the average baseball cap is largely regarded as the territory of hipsters and old men. This fashion factoid has come to disappoint me. I keep my head shaved, so every Winter I find myself covering up with a sock hat or skull cap to keep warm. A few weeks ago, after a bit of reflection, I realized I had outgrown that particular style and needed some more age-appropriate headgear.
Being unfamiliar with hats in general, I hoped that a specialty shop would be able to point me in the right direction. I live downtown, and if you’ve so much as gone to a Reds game in the past 100 years or so, you’ve probably walked past Batsakes Hat Shop. It’s on the corner of 6th and Vine, just north of Fountain Square, and has been in that vicinity since it opened in 1907. Like many businesses downtown, they’re only open during the day (til 6pm) Mon-Sat.
I wandered in on a random Tuesday at lunchtime, and a man I later learned is the proprietor, Gus Miller, was busy at his workbench making a hat. Miller took over the shop 56 years ago from his Uncle, both of whom emigrated from Greece. I was assisted by a woman with a thick (but quite understandable) Greek accent, whom I would venture to guess is a family member.
I admitted right away that I knew nothing about hats, and asked for her help in trying some on. She spent around 30 minutes escorting me around the shop, taking down various hat styles and explaining the differences in quality and type. She answered all of my questions, offering her opinion on fit and color and material for the various styles. In addition to selling various name brands (such as Stetson), Batsakes also offers a full line of services for hats, such as cleaning, shaping, and restoration. The hats sold at Batsakes are far from cheap, but the quality of the workmanship was evident in every hat I tried on. Miller will also make a hat to your specifications, though their styles are limited to a wider-brim Western type. Everyone I met who works there seems to know their craft, and I got the feeling they want to take care of their customers on every single visit.
In the end, I ended up selecting a Borsalino, which I have been really happy with. I’ve worn it every day that it’s rained since and never been happier to leave my umbrella in the car. It’s become a conversation piece, and you’d be surprised at the number of guys who have told me they would love to wear a hat, but never pulled the trigger. Well, the time is now. Stop sitting on the fence, and let’s bring the men’s hat back.
The Enquirer ran a story about GE’s up-in-the-air fighter engine. We got there first. Big ups to Hipp for being on top of it by like three weeks. Send him a beer or something–a real one. Those fake Facebook beers just don’t cut it.
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