VBMD is TCM’s Sunday comic. You can find the rest of the story here. We’ll also be posting a one-stop look at all three chapters sometime over the next couple weeks. Until then, enjoy!
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There are no necessary words. BOOM.
SDF is TCM’s weekend linkdump of everything that was awesome on the Internet over the previous week. You know, just in case you actually did work this week.
–Gnop is Pong in reverse: you control the ball and try to miss the paddles. See if you can get fired from work!
–You dropped your food on the floor. Do you eat it? This handy flowchart will help you make this vital decision.
–What do you want to bet that this guy’s a liar?
–The 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes ever. ‘Nuff said.
–If you’re anything like me, you thought that the Brett Favre interception last weekend was a nice cap on the old guy’s career. If nothing else, it’s a standing pattern.
–A History of the World in 100 objects. Awesome, and educational.
–This is the Halloween costume that you always wanted for your kids but your lady would never let happen.
–I’ve totally gotten into WFMU over the last week. They have a blog, and it’s awesome. Also, there was an episode of Scooby-Doo centered around punk rock.
–Famous Literary Drunks and Addicts from Life Magazine.
–Another thing I’ve discovered this week has been Coffee Talk with Cobra Commander. Brilliant.
–Remember that Christian Bale rant from last year? Imagine that crossed with a scene from Star Wars. Yeah, you don’t have to.
–Cincy Beerfest is coming up soon, and Hoperatives dropped a super-useful post on how to survive.
–You can learn a thing or ten from Leonardo da Vinci’s resume.
–Following the iPad haterz firestorm through the week, this is my favorite “iPad sux” graphic.
Seriously, Rey?
Hand it to the Cincinnati Bengals. When people make fun of them for “earning their stripes,” the team does everything possible to come together and silence those critics.
Or not.
Rey Maualuga’s DUI bust makes him the 1,837th Bengal arrested in the last five years. The fuzz in Covington say they caught him crashing into parked cars and a parking meter.
Maualuga is innocent until proven guilty. But what tolerance or sympathy should we have for drunk or impaired drivers? Let alone drunk or impaired drivers who can easily afford to have someone do the driving for them.
But the real gem of this story is what Maualuga was driving. A 2003 Pontiac Sunfire. Maybe it belonged to one of the two women with him. Or maybe his Kia Rio was in the shop.
Ahh. I can relax. Because this particular #fail practically writes itself.
Hot-diggity damn, lucky me.
Despite what Sex and the City would have you believe, you can’t just fit women into 4 neatly segmented stereotypes. I’m sure there are at least 8.
Every other month or so, a women’s magazine gives a rundown on the “types” of guys out there (preppy, artist, joke, random stereotype, random stereotype, et cetera). I always think, “When do guys get their easy-to-use, stereotypical-nevertheless-accurate catalog of ladies?”
As a result, here you have the first part of a however-many-parts-I-feel-like-doing part series in your field guide to women. Let’s start out with:
The Southern Belle
Southern belles used to be demure. They wore gloves and didn’t swear and ate before they arrived at the barbecue so they could appear to eat like birds. Now they are more likely to drink Budweiser, swear like sailors and sublimate their frustration at generations of sexism by screaming drunkenly at random strangers in bars.
I was able to view the Belle in her natural habitat- a college football game. My friend Dave and I trucked down to Lexington to watch UK play Alabama (we didn’t actually truck, we Saturned). Neither of us were major fans of either team, and I was mostly disappointed that the stadium didn’t serve beer. There were 3 girls behind us who had driven up from Alabama that morning. Apparently they started drinking when they left Tuscaloosa at 4am and didn’t stop until just before they sat behind us at noon. They talked very loudly about how basically Alabama Crimson Tide was the best thing that had ever happened to college football, if not the planet and how upset and surprised they were that UK did not have a Greek section and you know what’s awesome, this hair spray, and wow, I like shiny things, and…
I’m poking fun. I’m sure they were lovely girls when one of them wasn’t throwing up in the aisle and another wasn’t hitting the woman in front of her with her pompom. I’m sure they were smart girls. But they were Belles.
To pick up a Belle: Play a song on the jukebox by: Hank Williams, Sr.; Lynyrd Skynyrd, Charlie Daniels, ZZ Top, or to show your sensitive side, Carrie Underwood. Buy her a whiskey (double).
Pros: Won’t be a vegetarian, has no problem with sex in a truck, can drink you under the table
Cons: Will want to live in the South, may be difficult to understand, can drink you under the table
Southern Belle: Ashley Judd
Not a Southern Belle: Reese Witherspoon
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