Country Fried Till They Die [Lucero is Playing Tonight]

Lucero!

Twelve years is a long ass time.  It’s a long time to be in a relationship, a long time to be at the same job, and a hell of a long time to be in a band that works as hard as Lucero does.  Pulling from their strong Memphis roots, Lucero has released seven albums and kept a relentless tour schedule of 150-200 shows a year.

With the release of the band’s latest, 1372 Overton Park, which also happens to be their major label debut, a lot of the loyal fan base that Lucero holds so dear had dispersed into a frenzy of “What the Fuck?”  Their most beloved underground Indie/Cornfed Punk band has signed with a major label and now are the “sell outs” that betrayed their little Post- emo hearts.  The fact of the matter is that Lucero has far from sold out.   1372 Overton Park is the next logical step in the career of the band; like ape becoming man,  it was the natural evolution of their music.  I’ll admit, it took a few listens for me to embrace the record as much as past releases like “Nobodys’ Darlings” and “That Much Further West.”

It has a little more polish, mainly due to higher production value, and very evident presence of Memphis legend Jim Spake playing the horns, mixed in with organs, and accordions thrown in at every twist and turn, it could at first seem a bit excessive.  When singer/songwriter Ben Nichols spits forth his very heartfelt, and honest lyrics on songs like “Mom” and “Goodbye Again” it takes you right back to where the band began.

This album was a necessity to furtherthe career of Lucero and should be a welcome addition to any one of their fans that has half a brain.

Lucero will once again be visiting the Cincinnati area with a show this Friday at the historic Southgate House.  If you’ve never seen them live, this is your chance not to be a chump.  Way more humble that the typical “don’t touch me I’m a Rock Star” bands.  Lucero can often times  be seen mingling with the fans or sitting at the bar drinking their asses off.  So for a good time and some good ol’ music get off your ass and go to the fucking show on Friday!

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Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bengsoon/ / CC BY 2.0

Can Someone Endorse a Dignity Enhancement Product? [Jimmy Johnson's Tiny Boner]

In light of Jimmy Johnson’s endorsement of the male enhancement supplement ExtenZe, I thought it might be time to offer some unsolicited but desperately needed advice to past and present sports celebrities.  Before you sign that contract, give these things some thought:

1. Is the validity of the argument based upon your implied lack of masculinity?

When you have spent your entire career displaying your ludicrously high levels of testosterone, to expect people to be moved by your apparent lack of ability to make good on that promise.

(I must point out my favorite of the comments: “I am on day 24 of extenze and since day 3 I have had nothing but premature ejaculations less than two minutes into intercourse.”  Apparently, in addition to speeding up physical processes, it slows mental ones).

2. Look at past spokespeople.  Are you the first male?

So, Dan Marino… you lost some weight on NutriSystem, eh?  You look great!  Except your tampon is hanging out.

3. Could your advertisement be misconstrued as gay pornography?

See Quinn, Brady (Gatorade commercials); Namath, Joe (Beautymist pantyhose); Brady, Tom (Stetson, SmartWater, in general).

4. How many puns are in the script?

Or just look at the top of the page.  Does it say “Just For Men?”  Just say no.

5. How much are you getting paid?

Wait, what?  Really?

Wow.

You know, you really make those pantyhose work.

Rest in Peace, “Music Television”

Like a lot of old friends, we’d pretty much gone our separate ways a long time ago.  We’d completely lost touch with one another.  Still, I would have liked the chance to say goodbye.

Music Television is dead.

It’s been dying for years, but Viacom finally pulled the plug this week when it unveiled the new logo for MTV.  It’s still MTV, but it’s no longer “Music Television.” The iconic “M” will now serve as a 3-d picture frame for the channel’s offerings of reality television.  Obviously, this has been a long time coming.  It doesn’t make it any easier.

Yay!

“I’ve been at MTV a long time, and as it was reinvented over the years, we never touched our logo,” an MTV marketing executive told the New York Post.  “It’s a fantastic, iconic logo, but it wasn’t working for us anymore. It needed to express more about what MTV is today, not what it was in 1981.

#fail: Craigslist–The Last Refuge of the Romantically Damned, Part 2

There are two things in this world that say “love.”

1.)  Heart-shaped anything.  Clearly, a gift of precious stones means nothing if they are not set in the shape of a heart.  You might as well give your love a diamond pentagram if you’re not going to give them a heart.

2.) Poetry, no matter how bad.

But trying to attract a stranger with a heart-shaped pendant over Craigslist would reek of desperation.  And putting poetry in your personal ad would make you come across as an emo high schooler.  What to do?  Just follow the lead of these Cincinnati Craigslist poets in part two (part one is here) of our look at the best of the tri-state’s personal ads.

Just want a slut! – 24 (NKY)

Look, I’m tired of all the politics.  I want a relationship but I want someone who is WAY out there in the bedroom.  I want someone who wants 5 guys at once.  I want someone who wants to get banged first, loved second.  No chicks want to admit they want to be a slut, and I finally just want one who loves being one.

That spells it out for you.  I’m attractive myself so I’m looking for someone who’s the same, but I won’t be a prick and lay down a million specifics.  If you think you fit the bill this far, e-mail me and we’ll talk.

Don’t waste your time you’re just going to write to hate on me.  Your pics get mine.

And YES, I AM looking for a somewhat stable relationship out of this.  I just want this to be the obvious first.

theworldofdale:  My first thought: “Wow.  Perfect grammar and spelling.  That’s hot.”  Here’s the thing- the woman you are looking for is in Nevada.  At the Bunny Ranch.  Because sluts who are slutty out in the real world aren’t sexy.  They are slutty.  The sexy girls who want to get banged first, loved second aren’t answering your Craiglist ad.  They’ll wait until your first date to do that.  (You think I’m kidding?  You’re adorable).

That Guy Named Ed: “Mom, how did you and dad meet?”

“Well, it’s funny you ask.  Your father was just looking for a slut.  Someone who wants to get banged first, loved second.  He had such a magical way with words.  Lucky for me, he was also looking for a stable relationship out of it.  When I finally met his parents, his mother said she was so happy her son had finally found the right slut.”

Let’s Get Clowny!!! – 32 (HIGHLAND HEIGHTS)

Well, are there any ladies from the Highland Heights area that would like to get CLOWNY?  Just an expression that i use.  (Highland Ridge Apts)  Basically, great conversation, good clean adult fun and unforgettable (may have spelled that wrong) times.  All in all, getting 2 know one another would be great and beyond that would probably be a great experience.  Whatcha think?  Spontaneous women are a must, but willing to step out of my realm.  Let me know and hopefully u like what u hear and decide to jump like a froggy.

That Guy Named Ed: When you’ve tried all of the same, tired lines to get a woman’s attention, then it’s time to go unorthodox.  It’s time to bring in the heavy weaponry:  the sensual mental imagery of the circus, and the ancient mating ritual honoring the Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.

theworldofdale:  I think Jack Handey said it best: “To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.”  I’m mostly confused about the (Highland Ridge Apts) randomly inserted.  I remember Highland Ridge from when I was a student at NKU.  I do not remember clowns or frogs.

My psychic tells me that I’ll hook up with – 54 (Cincinnati)

My “psychic” sees a “well-dressed” man in my romantic future.  He (the psychic) claims that the man “may” be retired or semi-retired and knows how to make money.  The well-dressed man enjoys travel, dancing, and the things that I enjoy, according to my psychic (who happens to know what I enjoy).  The well-dressed man “may” wear western-style clothing (some of the time or all of the time).  The well-dressed man “may” be a litle eccentric (as I can be sometimes)…

I enjoy both giving and receiving massages and would be considered sensual.  If you think you “may” fit my psychic’s prediciton, please write and tell me about yourself.  May the force be with you.  Namaste.

theworldofdale:  She had me until the “Namaste.”  Hinduism?  Ok, weirdo.

That Guy Named Ed: I can’t condone using the dark arts of sorcery to find love.  Hasn’t this woman learned anything from watching the movie Big?  Tom Hanks spent the entire movie searching for that fortune telling machine to undo what he thought he wanted to have.  Although I think I know where she can find a man who wears tassled suede jackets, cowboy hats and acts like an eccentric.  Don Imus is going to be so flattered.

#fail: Putting the “Buck” in “Buckeyes”

Whenever there is a bye week in football, you can actually hear local sports radio hosts squirming in their chairs and grasping for something to fill their time. They talk about “maintaining mental toughness and focus” during the lull. They talk about the chance for player x to nurse wound z. They go on and on about some other game that week which will make or break the season for us. They talk about “what ifs.”

What if the Ohio State Buckeyes played the University of Cincinnati Bearcats?

What if the Ohio State Buckeyes played the Cincinnati Bengals?

Who would win?

I only have a hunch about those answers.  But I know this:  I hope to God the hypothetical game wouldn’t be in Columbus.

Friday, OSU’s board of trustees voted to raise prices for the upcoming football season by as much as $7 per ticket.  A reserved individual game seat will now cost $70.  Students will pay $32 to get in, up from $31.  By Ohio State’s own admission, this makes the Buckeyes the most expensive ticket in the Big 10.

To OSU’s credit, they’re still nowhere near the money you’d pay to see a game at Florida  or Texas.  But fair is fair.  We complained about the Bengals raising ticket prices by about $2.  The Buckeyes are hiking theirs by up to $7.  Which means getting into a college football game in Columbus now costs you more than getting into a professional football game in Cincinnati.  There’s something wrong with that.  Again, a reserve Buckeye ticket will cost $70.  That’s face value, and good luck paying that for a marquee game.  The cheapest Bengals ticket will cost $65, and you’ll never have to pay more than face value the way the team has to beg people to continue its sellout streak.

Just to compare, UC football tickets aren’t exactly cheap, either.  A single game ticket in 2009 cost up to $56, or $46 if you were willing to watch the Bearcats play UConn or Fresno State.  Meanwhile, the Browns are like the minor league team of the bunch.  You can get into a Browns game for $32.  But then again, you’d be in the corner of the upper bowl.  Plus, you’d be in Cleveland.

A Podcast Worth Checking Out: NSFW

I’ve recently gotten into downloading podcasts from iTunes.  I wasn’t sure if I would like them, but I have discovered that they really do help pass the time on long drives or when you are working out.  In fact, now I look forward to hour long commutes or going for a run because it gives me a chance to listen to an entire podcast.

My plan is to every so often share with you a podcast that I enjoy and that I think you would enjoy as well.  At this point, all the podcasts that I listen to are available on iTunes. So after you read it here, you can easily go and find it there.

The first podcast that I would recommend is NSFW.  This podcast is on the TWiT network (stands for This Week in Tech – formerly TechTV), which is known for its techy-nerdy content, but this one goes outside of the box and takes it from geeky to crazy!  Hosted by Brian Brushwood, a noted scam artist and magician, and co-hosted by Justin Robert Young – this show is basically an hour of organized mayhem each week strongly influnenced by the listeners; the influence comes from the fact that you can watch the recording of the podcast every Tuesday night on TWiT TV and interact with the hosts through Skype, twitter, and their chatroom.

Some recent episodes have included a game show where they randomly call people who submitted their phone numbers, an awards show where the winner was someone or something in pop culture that they feel would (or hoped would) go away for good (which they aptly call “GTFO Awards”), and a show entirely dedicated to setting world records.  The world records show has become famous in that it had a guy almost finish chugging a 64oz bottle of Gatorade and ended up spewing it everywhere for all the viewers to see (you can find the video of this on YouTube) .   The audience has become such a strong part of the podcast, that they become somewhat unruly if they are left out of the fun.

So, if you enjoy mindless humor, being involved in that mindless humor, and possibly using tech-gadgets to get satisfaction from that mindless humor, check out this podcast.  Oh, and if you are looking for more twitter followers, call them up, seems that they like to announce twitter names on air to see how many more followers they can get people.

Interesting note – if you search for information about this podcast on Google, you will most definitely come up with lots of unsavory content based upon the title.  Ooh la la!