I have been in a cranky-ass mood for the past week (for a variety of reasons). Yesterday started with dog messes (of the poop and vomit variety), health insurance hassles, and hacked email. So when my friend Lori sent me this link, I thought- I can go one of two ways with this. I can say fuck it, I’m going home to watch Family Guy and continue to compound my crankiness, or I can say fuck it, I’m going out and watching a burlesque show featuring a midget (although I think she was actually a dwarf).
I went for option 2, because I figured it’s not like my day could get worse, and it was close to home (keep this in mind when wanting to hang out with me). Am I ever glad I went… I’ve never seen a burlesque show, and it’s crazy fun. I could have done without the emcee pounding an awl into his nasal cavity, but the midget, the singer, and two hot chicks dancing around more than made up for it.
I didn’t watch the whole show- it was super hot in there and they didn’t have the ceiling fans going, and there were a lot of people in there. The humidity and temperature dipped below 80 for the first time in days, so it was nice to sit on the patio and talk to friends and some dude from the U.S. Virgin Islands. At the end of the night, as I waited impatiently to sign my tab (please stop making and serving one a drink at a time, ladies), I couldn’t help but think, this was a Monday night in supposedly sleepy Cincinnati, but I saw one of the original Suicide girls do a peepshow, met new people, and found a new affinity for 7 & Sevens.
People give Cincinnati a hard time for not having enough to do, for being bad for singles, and being too clique-y. You’re just not trying hard enough.
A former contributor to TCM’s manly deliciousness wrote these pieces awhile back, noting a hilarious Craigslist find. But here is another. And another reagrding a red-headed MILF.
I got what you want, sucka!
And yet another, with both “shit” and “pants” in the title.
It’s that time of week again, kids. If you haven’t melted from our sweltering Summer so far, maybe getting you can get out and catch a show or grab a new CD off the shelf of your local record store. Maybe you could even catch the special two-hour Behind The Music on Courtney Love on VH1. I’m sure it would be a very worthwhile experience. Courtney relishing on her glory days as a hole, err, ah, I mean in Hole. Either way I could think of a million and half other things I would rather be doing than watching her old, worn out, rat infested ass. Dental work and vasectomy included.
Also, at last Jersey Shore star “The Situation” is releasing his first Rap single! After a busy year of tanning beds, weight benches, and fist pumping, The Sitch has decided to grace us with his skills on the mic with his single entitled, surprisingly, “The Situation”. I gave it a listen and the only “situation” here Mike, is it’s dog shit. You can go back to lifting up your shirt now because your song sucks, and you can’t rap worth dick.
The video game company Ubisoft has announced that are developing a dance/karaoke game based on Michael Jackson and his songs. Thank you Jackson family for continuing to exploit the already joke ridden death of a Pop icon. Guitar legend Slash was performing with his band in Milan when a quite robust and unruly fan tackled him from behind. Slash got to his feet and continued shredding on his broken axe but the poor instrument was unable to continue. It was later revealed the tackling fat man was actually Axl Rose. After the show he begged forgiveness from Slash in hopes of getting enough money for a plane ride home.
New releases this week include Dance/Electronica heroes The Chemical Brothers with Further. Metal’s OG midget musclehead Danzig is back with Deth Red Saboath. Eminem is back with his self-reflective effort Recovery. Keyboard wizard Herbie Hancockhas a new one called The Imagine Project. The “Prince Of Darkness” himself, OzzyOsbourne is back with new focus, a new guitarist, and a new album called Scream. Hip Hop mechanics The Roots have a new one called How I Got Over.
Just a few interesting shows this week. Kicking off on Wednesday is New Orleans Alt-Rock party band Cowboy Mouth. After over 15 years of hard touring, the group will be stopping off at The Southgate House. A couple shows on Friday: First at Southgate is Alliance, Ohio natives Lovedrug, an Alternative act showing major shades of Shudder To Think without all the aggression. Also on Friday is Green Jelly. Of course you remember that awful little pigs song with the voices and all that. You could go to the Mad Hatter on Friday and be one of three people there, if you dare.
With a 24-vote margin, the winner of this year’s Best Bar in Cincinnati tournament is The Crazy Fox Saloon in Newport, KY. We’ll update sometime soon with dates and times for the reserved, dignified celebration that will no doubt ensue.
Congrats guys, and good work Crazy Fox patrons. Cheers!
Action Patrol was a band from Richmond, VA that existed in the mid-1990′s. They toured a bit here and there, put out a couple 7″ singles and and LP, as well as a cd anthology. Good stuff.
As a kid, Action Patrol had more or less everything I wanted in a band: speed, fun, smarts, and light costuming. You read that correctly. They wore orange jumpsuits, which I figure makes them look like either inmates or hazmat workers. Either way, it’s awesome. Watch:
