This just appeared at Youtube yesterday and it was mindblowing enough to share:
Apparently ol’ Magnum was a bit of a boozer, there. Ah, how television’s changed.
As the father of a one-and-a-half year old (and another on the way soon), I’m pretty much sentenced to paying attention to children’s programming for the foreseeable future. But videos and talks like this one are no doubt what my brain will default to while I’m watching Follow That Bird:
Today in 1969, the most amazing achievement of mankind happened:
NASA Goddard has a set at Flickr, from which the above photo was lifted. THE MOON, PEOPLE. Even now, it’s still just effing amazing.
This Star Wars re-edit starts out as a super-exciting re-cut, and then ends up a subtle re-imagining of Luke Skywalker as a total idiot who makes rookie mistakes in what is his defining moment up to that point in his life. Which is exactly how it would have happened in a better-written story. Behold:
Take her to a play, assface!
Ladies love it when you appeal to their brains. It makes us feel good when we think that you think that we are worth a little intellectual time. So here is how you will win points this Wednesday by taking your special lady friend out (for free!) to a cultural event.
First, here’s what you need to know: Cincinnati Shakespeare Company puts on summer performances free to the public. I know, I know, Shakespeare is boring, blah, blah, blah. It’s unfortunate that you have this attitude, because you won’t be setting a good tone for the night if you’re irritated by your adventure. Remember that the Bard is your original summer Hollywood blockbuster: sex, violence, betrayal, espionage, ghosts, and murder–so act like you’re excited to share this experience with her on your cozy blanket (or foldy chairs). To grease your date wheel even more, go on a picnic beforehand. Might I suggest Mt. Storm? Don’t forget the bug spray. And alcohol (preferably not beer, you animal).
The performance begins at 7pm, so show up early to get prime seating and avoid tall people in hats, roaming scream-ready toddlers, and decrepit old people.
And here’s how to initiate:
1. Call her to make sure she’s free. If it’s your wife, leave a post-it on her cell phone. She’ll appreciate the pen and paper effort, rather than the misspelled text.
2. Don’t tell her where you’re going or what you’re doing, just that she should dress comfortable enough to be outside.
3. Pick her up and have flowers at the ready. If it’s your wife, give her flowers, arrange for a babysitter, and tell her she looks beautiful. The wife might suspect that you’ve done something terrible, but assure her that you haven’t gambled away your savings or lost your wedding ring at Diamond’s.
4. Have the picnic already packed! I can not stress enough how lame it will be if you pick her up and then head to the grocery store/farmer’s market/liquor outlet. Don’t worry about a meal for the picnic. Think snacks. A chilled bottle of white wine, crackers, cheese, grapes, a salad, maybe some olives if you’re into that, and crusty bread should do the trick. You’ll be grabbing ice cream after the show anyway, so you don’t want her to feel food guilt, i.e. “I can’t eat ice cream because I already had a huge meal and I’ve been trying to lose weight”. You probably hate hearing it, so don’t set up a situation where you’ll have to deal with her whining about the size of her ass, where you’ll be cued to say, “Oh honey, you’re not fat, you’re beautiful/sexy/big-boned.”
5. During the picnic, ask her about her day. Hold her hand some. Take a picture of the two of you. It’s these little gestures that let her know you care. Again, don’t forget the bug spray. Nothing ruins a casual summer outdoor adventure for most people like swatting at mosquitoes.
6. Go to the play and enjoy. It will be A Midsummer Night’s Dream. To be extra-prepared, read this synopsis to get the gist. If this summary seems confusing, it’s sort of engineered to be. The play is a farce about love and marriage and how stupid humans are. There are a ba-zillion characters, one of which is turned into an ass. Don’t worry about the ins and outs: trust me, it’s entertaining. People will be rolling in the isles.
7. After the play, walk down to Graeter’s on Ludlow (since it’s only about 4 blocks from where you’ll be) and stand in line for over-priced ice cream. People watch for a bit, and then gaze at her meaningfully while she’s not looking at you. Wait for it…she’ll turn around a wonder why you’re staring at her. “What?” she’ll ask. The answer here is important. Respond in the vein of, “You’re the most beautiful woman here/I’m so happy we could spend this time together/I can’t wait to get you into bed after I pay the babysitter.”
8. The drive home should be pleasant. If you’re not serious right now, she’ll be pleased you took the time and effort with what seems like an elaborate date. If you’ve been together for a while, she’ll appreciate that you did anything at all. If you’re married, you’ve gotten a free pass for a least a month, maybe two depending on the wife’s score-keeping system.
These plays are being performed throughout the summer in both Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky parks and green spaces. So if you miss this Wednesday, there will be other chances to impress you woman with how intelligent and kind you can be. Though beware that the other play they’re performing this summer is Hamlet, and things do not end well there: sword-fights, murders, suicide, crazy chics, paranoia, betrayal–unless, of course, this is your lady’s cup of tea, then by all means head to Hamlet.
Good luck, have fun, and enjoy the time you two spend doing something you don’t usually indulge in.
Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/azrael74/817348860/